Sharing the Wisdom

My sister called the other day and after a 10-minute recitation of the challenges of recovering from a bad ankle-break that had required surgery, a friend’s mother’s demise at the age of 94 after a stroke, and the difficulty of avoiding acid reflux, she said, “Well, so much for the organ recital!”  “The what?” I replied. “You know,” she said. “The organ recital. The way we all begin conversations now that we’ve reached a certain age. Haven’t you noticed?”

And indeed, as I thought about it, many conversations now begin with the ways in which our bodies have clearly become more vulnerable. Little aches and pains grab our attention – especially when getting out of bed in the morning. When we take a few weeks off from exercising, it’s amazing how much ground we’ve lost. We’re going to bed earlier, or not sleeping as well. More of our friends are beginning to deal with serious illness.

And yet, we don’t feel old. According to my informal survey, most people I know in their 50’s and 60’s, when asked how old they feel, name a number somewhere in the early 40’s. We’re startled by the face or body reflected in the mirror. So some of the discussion comes from a sense of wonder:  look what’s actually happening to me! I can’t believe it!

For me, some of that sense of wonder led to thoughts about what the next stage of life would be like for me. The questions that came up were: What did I want? Where did I want to live? How did I want to be connected to people? What if – God forbid! – I should find myself suddenly without my husband and partner of 30+ years? What would my life be like? These are hard questions. Even thinking about them can feel overwhelming – or even a little grim.

And yet, there’s another side to the story. Choice is important – and there are so many things we have choice about as we get older, especially if we don’t wait until the choices are made for us by circumstance. It’s wonderful that we still feel like we’re somewhere in our mid-40’s. And how terrific to feel that way and still have put in so many years in a career that we are now eligible to “retire” and maybe make some different choices about our life. How fabulous to feel that young and have our children (for the most part) finished with school and launched into lives of their own. 

So what are the choices we can make now? Let’s look at some of the big ones:

1. What would I like the next 20 years of my life to look like? Do I want to be working and if so, how much of my time do I want to spend at it?
2. Where would I most like to live? Is climate important to me? Do I want to be in a particular kind of community?
3. How much money do I need on a monthly basis to live the way I’d like to live?
4. What will make my life feel meaningful? How do I want to make a contribution to others?
5. What kind of social environment do I want for myself? What friends are important to me and how will I make new friends?
6. What about the spiritual side of my life?

Having a vision – or the beginning of one – for the next stage of life is a way of beginning to build it. We can begin to plan, to try out new environments through traveling, to begin to volunteer. And that kind of planning, trying things on for size, is a great way of continuing to feel you are somewhere in your 40’s, still enthusiastic, still involved, still making active decisions about your own life.

And our bodies? Well, rather than the daily organ recital, I prefer the instructions of my yoga teacher, Tara, at the end of each class. After we arise from savasana, she always reminds us to “Thank your body.” It reminds me to be grateful for how well it has served me, despite the demands I’ve placed on it for so many years.

In the next few postings, we’ll go deeper into these questions about the next stage.  Stay tuned! And since humor is so important in continuing to feel youthful, here’s a little something to smile at…

(This picture can be found, and many others like it, at http://www.bentobjects.blogspot.com/. The artist is Terry Border and his creations are truly a wonder!)

Susan

http://www.susanbraverman.com/